sangre_fria: (Default)
I think that I've figured out my interesting relationship with guys, in general.

I think that guys need a female that's close to them in their lives in order to be content. But why? Because guy friends aren't very "emotionally supportive" to other guys. If you're a guy that's having a bad day, other guys (in general) are going to call you a wuss if you mention it. But girls (in general) would try to comfort you and understand how you're feeling.

I'm not trying to undermine the importance of relationships between guys, but both genders need interactions with both genders. So guys need the "feminine touch" from one time to another. And since most teenage boys aren't that close to mommy anymore, they need girls their own age.

Now, this can either be as a "girlfriend" or a "girl friend". If you don't have a girlfriend, then you'll probably enjoy and seek out the company of a girl friend at one time or another.

That's where I come in. I try my best to be as understanding and compassionate as possible when it comes to all of my friends, because we're all going through things and we all need support sometimes. But teenage boys generally don't have an army of sympathetic, feeling-conscious friends ready to jump in and support.

I don't try to act as a "good friend" out of pity or a feeling of being needed. I just do it because I care, and because they don't judge me. Guys never seem to be searching for my "hidden motives". They don't care if I have a bad day, and they're generally very good listeners. I almost feel as if I should be a "good friend", because I would only be returning the favor that they always grace me with.

But now, most of them have girlfriends. So they have no need of my girl friendness, and they don't really talk to me anymore. But that's okay. I don't mind at all, because it's completely natural. Why would someone in their right mind want to waste their time with a girl friend when they can get all the attention and affection and "benefits" of a girlfriend?

In the meantime, I have a lot of scientific reading to do.


sangre_fria: (Default)
I love just falling off the face of the planet like that.

Keeps me on my toes, I suppose.

I just don't have the will or the energy right now to reflect on Graduation, so I'll set that for another day. Knowing me, it's already moved to Neverland. Oh well. I suppose that that's where all my "not-dones" belong; with my abandoned childhood dreams.

I've been pretty pensive today, and if you were inside my mind, you'd see why. It's a jungle in there, and there's no straight and narrow to follow.

I've bascially realized several things very recently:

1. I have a choice. I can either ruin things completely, or I can buckle down and do it all with a smile.
2. Grant now thinks that I'm actually insane. No joke. Mentally unstable. Emotionally distraught. Completely and utterly, barking mad. But he's the best friend that a looney could ever had, and I owe him a lot at this point.
3. I need to get a grip.

Don't cry, little emo kid.

There's a poem that I find very fitting right now. And I have the great honor of knowing the author himself.

Get up and put your clothes on
Don't forget your smile
That way we won't need to ask how you're doing
And we can go on our way without a second thought

But if you happen to forget it
Back on your doorstep
And we prompt you to tell us how you are
Never fail to assure us that everything
Is quite alright in your wonderful home
And let us know your smile was just misplaced
And that you'll have it on tomorrow

Because we don't like to think
Not on our own, atleast
It's far too unsafe out there
To be thinking on your own

Tell us that you are doing great
Because we don't want to know
About you, anyway
You see, that might make us uncomfortable

Feed us your lies
If that is all there is to be had
Tell us something we like
Make sure it's simple and sweet
Just sugar-coat the poison
And we'll take the disease over the cure
"Smile" by Neil

Hopefully, I'll see all of you soon. And I promise that I won't forget my smile. That way, you won't even have to bother asking me how I am.

I'll be smiling; that should say it all, shouldn't it?
sangre_fria: (Default)
I spent most of today cleaning my room.

I found all sorts of pictures that I didn't know still existed. So I sorted through all of them and cried. I know that I'll be able to let go when the time comes, but college still feels so far away.

Oh, and by the way. All of you are beautiful, you know that? It felt so strange, but it was like I was realizing it for the first time. I love you all so much, and I'm telling you right now that I'm going to be one messed-up, maladjusted adult if you guys abandon me. We -will- be keeping in touch, so help me God.

It was after about twenty minutes of soul-searching that I made up my mind. I'm going to take all of those pictures and make myself a photo album to take with me to college.

I can't take you guys with me, but a cheap substitute will just have to do.


sangre_fria: (Default)

May 2008

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